A Grandfather's Inspiration

Fathers Matter

This is the main body of a talk I gave at church on Fathers' Day: I am grateful to come today and share with you some thoughts from Elder D. Todd Christofferson as I honor my Daddy, my husband—the father of my seven children and super grandfather--, and our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. “As a Church, we believe in fathers. We believe in “the ideal of the man who puts his family first.”2 We believe that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”3 We believe that in their complementary family duties, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”4 We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.” My father was not perfect, but maybe he was the perfect father for me. He was not very demonstrative, but he adored my mother, and he was proud of his children. We sometimes joke that it took Daddy 33 years after Mother died to learn what he had to learn to be worthy of her in the eternities. My dad took us on great adventures—like Warm River, the sand dunes, the bat caves, softball games at Tautphaus Park, and frequent trips to Yellowstone--tutored me in the intricacies of mathematics and scientific principles—he was a scientist, an analytical spectroscopic—and always had a pun or a joke to make us laugh. He was raised to work hard, live the Gospel, and study and learn. He was not tutored in hugs, kisses, praise, or soft words. That’s why God sent him my mother. However, in the last couple of years of his life, he came to be more and more like our greatest example, our Heavenly Father. The last time we left his house, he hugged and kissed us and called me “sweetie.” He had not been there to see me receive honors, star in the school play, graduate from college, or be sealed to my sweetheart. In the last few days of his life he WAS there to drop off a grandson at college, attend a family reunion, and sit with us in a temple session in the St. George Temple. This was a lesson to me to be a lifelong learner. “Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms, as something that obligates men to their offspring, impelling them to be good citizens and to think about the needs of others, supplementing “maternal investment in children with paternal investment in children. … In short, the key for men is to be fathers. The key for children is to have fathers. The key for society is to create fathers.”5 While these considerations are certainly true and important, we know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct or the product of evolution. The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam.” Jim determined young to be a father who loved and was there for his kids. Despite, or maybe because of, negative examples, he has always been there for his children and grandchildren. He has never been much of a hugger, but he is still learning. The other day we were at the distribution center, and he noticed a dad kissing his baby on the head. When we got in the car, he teared up and said how that morning, tending Brady’s babies, he couldn't help but hug them tight and keep kissing their little heads. Wedding story… A couple weeks ago we had an interesting experience. Our oldest granddaughter had asked her grandfather to officiate at her wedding. She was marrying a man of another faith, and she wanted Jim to perform the ceremony. He told her that he had no authority to perform a wedding, but she enthusiastically explained that in Colorado anyone can perform a wedding and that they essentially would be marrying themselves by signing a piece of paper. So, for two months Jim worried about what he would say and what advice he would give to this young couple. He wanted to say the very best thing for our son and granddaughter. He wanted to inspire our son to return to full activity in the Church and take his family to the temple to be sealed. Every prayer was pleading with the Lord that he would know what to say. I was harping at Jim to write his words down so that he would be organized. When we got to Denver, I saw that Jim had not even packed a suit, so we had to make a quick trip to Kohl’s to find clothing appropriate for performing a marriage ceremony! Jim never likes to write things down, and I was afraid he might say something goofy or forget what he wanted to say, but he was insistent that he knew what the Lord wanted him to say. The afternoon garden wedding was sweet, and Jim’s words were appropriate (not goofy!). Everything went as planned. We went to the afternoon luncheon at the church and then back to the garden for the reception. As we got ready to leave the celebration, our son pulled us aside to tell us how perfect Dad’s words were. (I thought they were “okay.”) Derek said that Becky asked him if he had told his dad what to say. Derek thought Becky must have talked to Jim—all because, unbeknownst to us, there had been a big fight between the bride and her future mother-in-law, who did not want this Mormon girl asking her son away from her. The wedding had almost been canceled. Grandpa’s inspired words were exactly what they all needed to hear! We told Derek that his dad had been praying about what to say for two months, and we were sure that it was through inspiration that the counsel was given. “The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father. His character and attributes include abundant goodness and perfect love. His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children.6 Fathers in this fallen world can claim nothing comparable to the Majesty on High, but at their best, they are striving to emulate Him, and they indeed labor in His work. They are honored with a remarkable and sobering trust. Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.9 A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord.10 “And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”11 Our Heavenly Father is the great example. The greatest responsibility of fathers is to teach their children to live in righteousness. His plan for us—the ideal—is to have a father and a mother, working together to build a an Eternal family. We all experience the imperfections of mortal life in this terrestrial world. We make mistakes; we pick ourselves up, repent, and do better next time. We have families who deal with death and divorce, fathers who are not in the home, children who suffer—but we know the ideal, and we work to fulfill the plan our Father in Heaven has for us through living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. “Some may have fathers who are physically present but emotionally absent or in other ways inattentive or non-supportive. We call on all fathers to do better and to be better. Certainly teaching the gospel is a shared duty between fathers and mothers, but the Lord is clear that He expects fathers to lead out in making it a high priority. (And let’s remember that informal conversations, working and playing together, and listening are important elements of teaching.) The Lord expects fathers to help shape their children, and children want and need a model. Discipline and correction are part of teaching. As Paul said, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.”14 But in discipline a father must exercise particular care, lest there be anything even approaching abuse, which is never justified. When a father provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit: “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; “That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.”15 Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery. “Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another. … “But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”18 Remember the yearning hope of a father as expressed by John: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”21 Your righteousness is the greatest honor any father can receive.(All quotes from D. Todd Christopherson’s 2016 conference talk on fathers.)” The Mormon Message at the top of the LDS website ends with this message from the First Presidency: “Of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to deity, He has asked us to address him as Father.”