A Grandfather's Inspiration

Fathers Matter

This is the main body of a talk I gave at church on Fathers' Day: I am grateful to come today and share with you some thoughts from Elder D. Todd Christofferson as I honor my Daddy, my husband—the father of my seven children and super grandfather--, and our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. “As a Church, we believe in fathers. We believe in “the ideal of the man who puts his family first.”2 We believe that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”3 We believe that in their complementary family duties, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”4 We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.” My father was not perfect, but maybe he was the perfect father for me. He was not very demonstrative, but he adored my mother, and he was proud of his children. We sometimes joke that it took Daddy 33 years after Mother died to learn what he had to learn to be worthy of her in the eternities. My dad took us on great adventures—like Warm River, the sand dunes, the bat caves, softball games at Tautphaus Park, and frequent trips to Yellowstone--tutored me in the intricacies of mathematics and scientific principles—he was a scientist, an analytical spectroscopic—and always had a pun or a joke to make us laugh. He was raised to work hard, live the Gospel, and study and learn. He was not tutored in hugs, kisses, praise, or soft words. That’s why God sent him my mother. However, in the last couple of years of his life, he came to be more and more like our greatest example, our Heavenly Father. The last time we left his house, he hugged and kissed us and called me “sweetie.” He had not been there to see me receive honors, star in the school play, graduate from college, or be sealed to my sweetheart. In the last few days of his life he WAS there to drop off a grandson at college, attend a family reunion, and sit with us in a temple session in the St. George Temple. This was a lesson to me to be a lifelong learner. “Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms, as something that obligates men to their offspring, impelling them to be good citizens and to think about the needs of others, supplementing “maternal investment in children with paternal investment in children. … In short, the key for men is to be fathers. The key for children is to have fathers. The key for society is to create fathers.”5 While these considerations are certainly true and important, we know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct or the product of evolution. The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam.” Jim determined young to be a father who loved and was there for his kids. Despite, or maybe because of, negative examples, he has always been there for his children and grandchildren. He has never been much of a hugger, but he is still learning. The other day we were at the distribution center, and he noticed a dad kissing his baby on the head. When we got in the car, he teared up and said how that morning, tending Brady’s babies, he couldn't help but hug them tight and keep kissing their little heads. Wedding story… A couple weeks ago we had an interesting experience. Our oldest granddaughter had asked her grandfather to officiate at her wedding. She was marrying a man of another faith, and she wanted Jim to perform the ceremony. He told her that he had no authority to perform a wedding, but she enthusiastically explained that in Colorado anyone can perform a wedding and that they essentially would be marrying themselves by signing a piece of paper. So, for two months Jim worried about what he would say and what advice he would give to this young couple. He wanted to say the very best thing for our son and granddaughter. He wanted to inspire our son to return to full activity in the Church and take his family to the temple to be sealed. Every prayer was pleading with the Lord that he would know what to say. I was harping at Jim to write his words down so that he would be organized. When we got to Denver, I saw that Jim had not even packed a suit, so we had to make a quick trip to Kohl’s to find clothing appropriate for performing a marriage ceremony! Jim never likes to write things down, and I was afraid he might say something goofy or forget what he wanted to say, but he was insistent that he knew what the Lord wanted him to say. The afternoon garden wedding was sweet, and Jim’s words were appropriate (not goofy!). Everything went as planned. We went to the afternoon luncheon at the church and then back to the garden for the reception. As we got ready to leave the celebration, our son pulled us aside to tell us how perfect Dad’s words were. (I thought they were “okay.”) Derek said that Becky asked him if he had told his dad what to say. Derek thought Becky must have talked to Jim—all because, unbeknownst to us, there had been a big fight between the bride and her future mother-in-law, who did not want this Mormon girl asking her son away from her. The wedding had almost been canceled. Grandpa’s inspired words were exactly what they all needed to hear! We told Derek that his dad had been praying about what to say for two months, and we were sure that it was through inspiration that the counsel was given. “The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father. His character and attributes include abundant goodness and perfect love. His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children.6 Fathers in this fallen world can claim nothing comparable to the Majesty on High, but at their best, they are striving to emulate Him, and they indeed labor in His work. They are honored with a remarkable and sobering trust. Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.9 A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord.10 “And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”11 Our Heavenly Father is the great example. The greatest responsibility of fathers is to teach their children to live in righteousness. His plan for us—the ideal—is to have a father and a mother, working together to build a an Eternal family. We all experience the imperfections of mortal life in this terrestrial world. We make mistakes; we pick ourselves up, repent, and do better next time. We have families who deal with death and divorce, fathers who are not in the home, children who suffer—but we know the ideal, and we work to fulfill the plan our Father in Heaven has for us through living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. “Some may have fathers who are physically present but emotionally absent or in other ways inattentive or non-supportive. We call on all fathers to do better and to be better. Certainly teaching the gospel is a shared duty between fathers and mothers, but the Lord is clear that He expects fathers to lead out in making it a high priority. (And let’s remember that informal conversations, working and playing together, and listening are important elements of teaching.) The Lord expects fathers to help shape their children, and children want and need a model. Discipline and correction are part of teaching. As Paul said, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.”14 But in discipline a father must exercise particular care, lest there be anything even approaching abuse, which is never justified. When a father provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit: “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; “That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.”15 Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery. “Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another. … “But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”18 Remember the yearning hope of a father as expressed by John: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”21 Your righteousness is the greatest honor any father can receive.(All quotes from D. Todd Christopherson’s 2016 conference talk on fathers.)” The Mormon Message at the top of the LDS website ends with this message from the First Presidency: “Of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to deity, He has asked us to address him as Father.”

About my Grandmother, Mary Hannah Green Olson By Janice Rose Olson Flanagan 9/17/2016 For as long as I can remember, Grandma and Grandpa Olson lived in a small apartment near downtown Idaho Falls. I only remember being with Grandma Olson a few times out of that apartment. As she aged, her diabetes took its toll, and she became housebound. I do remember one shopping trip that ended in a pineapple milkshake at the counter at Woolworths and a couple of visits to our house on special occasions. By the time that Grandma died, just before Easter when I was twelve or thirteen, my memories of her were clustered up a steep flight of stairs in a layout that included a small kitchen with a stovepipe and small refrigerator that held her insulin and syringes. I knew that Grandpa administered her life-saving shots daily. My favorite place in the kitchen was the breadbox, for therein was a stash of Pecan Sandies and maybe some root-beer fizzies. I remember the floor as metal, but in places covered with vinyl. The bathroom was just big enough for the old claw-foot tub, and the bedroom held a closet full of Grandma’s old treasures—gifts given through the years but saved for something special and still in their original wrappings at her death. Old-fashioned pictures on the wall were of a beautiful young woman who (I was shocked to find out) had become this dear grandmother, so old and ill upon her bed. I do not think I had ever seen inside the bedroom until we visited in the last weeks of her life, when she could no longer sit in her beloved living-room chair. The “living room” truly was where Grandma and Grandpa lived. Across the hall was a small storage for coal delivery, and we grandchildren were often charged with filling the bucket and bringing heat to the pot-bellied stove. I remember eating dinner at Grandma’s only once. She served tomato aspic, and I was happy never to relive THAT experience! A massive upright piano dominated one wall. I never heard Grandma play, but she loved to hear us children play, even those very beginning pieces. It was on that piano that I first heard my dad play and learned that he was able to play “by ear.” Grandma requested that I play “Oh, My Father” at her funeral. If I did it, I think I cried through it. I am not sure I was able to honor her request. The only music I heard Grandma play was on her phonograph—old Hawaiian music, which she loved. She also loved her TV, especially Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan. On Sunday afternoons when we visited, she might pull out her table-top pinball game or old photograph albums. I loved the old photos, except for one sad picture of Grandma’s last baby, lying in a casket. She had been stillborn. Grandma Olson taught me to embroider. She was a master with a needle and thread! She patiently spent many days with me at her side, teaching me the stiches as I made pillow cases and dish towels. I remember cousins sitting in, but I am not sure they responded to needle work the same way I did. I still love to embroider and never do needle projects without thinking of my Grandmother Olson. I remember a “discussion” on the spelling of our Olson name. Even within the immediate family, some brothers spelled the name with an “e.” I never was sure if the “e” was the one retained from the Swedish Oleson or Olesen. While Grandpa Olson was always away at work or sitting by the fire behind his newspaper (that’s my childhood memory, anyway), Grandma was always at home. She and Grandpa had an odd relationship, I thought. Grandpa served in the church for many years while Grandma stayed in that upstairs apartment. I know Grandma had some issues with some church doctrines--like polygamy. Sometimes when I look in the mirror with my hair severely pulled back I see Grandma Olson staring back. I know she loved me, though her hair was not the only part of her that was severe. I know she loved my mother and relied on her care more than her own children sometimes. She had “knick-knacks” around her house, and I still have one of her little “knick-knack” tables in the corner of my family room. My knick-knacks are memories of sewing, photographs, music, puzzles, cookies, coal buckets, newspapers, and a very sad heart that Sunday we got there just as they were carrying her body down the apartment stairs. I know very little about Mary Hannah Green except what I experienced at her knee, and by then she was a grandma with swollen legs and feet and graying hair pulled into a net. She had lived a whole life as a child, a teen, and a bride. She had birthed seven children and buried one. I am sad that I do not know that young girl because I am sure all those years before me made her who she was to me.

Love of God Matters

This thought is from President Uchtdorf in the October 2009 Conference. I saw it on BYU TV this morning during the scripture discussion: Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you. 7 God does not look on the outward appearance. 8 I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked. What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us.

Testing Matters

The debate rages on about the efficacy of testing! My daughter Jill, who is studying for elementary education, asked me the other day if I am with all those who are screaming about too much testing—“all the kids do is test.” I thought for a moment before answering that when testing is used to differentiate for learning needs, adjust instruction, and inform interventions, it is a most valuable tool. Jill agrees because her children have attended school here at Copper Hills, and she has seen how great teachers use assessment to give HER children the best possible in elementary education. I have thought about her question (and comments from Facebook about a post I did about Common Core) for days now and even discussed it with some of you. IS all this testing necessary? Important? Useful? Instructive? Informative? Enabling? Have I gone to the “dark side” because I support the constant checks for understanding, DIBELS progress monitoring, Acuity screeners and benchmarks, CFAs, unit tests, writing assessment programs, IXL and Moby Max, the 36s testing, oral quizzing, data collection, and transparency in scoring? I would like to make a case for all this testing! • John Haddie’s Visible Learning (2008) meta study suggests that the highest correlation among all educational strategies lies in student accountability for their own learning—scores. skills, grades, etc. I see that when students own their own data (through assessment) and set their own goals, they also are motivated to learn. If our focus is on student learning, what more could we ask? I interviewed about 90 students last week who proudly displayed their data books and informed me of their increases. They owned their achievement, and they were proud and motivated by that! It works better than ANY OTHER learning strategy! • Teachers at Copper Hills who are devoted to student achievement reward increase and meeting goals. This reward (praise, tangible rewards, recognition) motivates and encourages students to do better! An old Yiddish saying says, “BETTER has no end.” Indeed, we are always trying to find a better way. • All that testing and data proves that we educators are doing our job. This is an argument that the District gives for testing, and it is true. I once heard a superintendent from back East say that he could tell the students were learning by “looking in their eyes.” That just is not true! He is living in make-believe land. We know that students have learned the skills we are teaching when they can produce, explain, or in another way show their learning. • Reviewing data helps us become better teachers. When I was an intern administrator, I interviewed an excellent teacher who told me that she actually appreciated NCLB because it made her a better teacher. What!?! I had never heard of such a thing—an educator in favor of all that testing involved in No Child Left Behind? The teacher moved at the end of that year to another school district, but I learned a lesson from her: teachers who USE the data from testing to become better educators have found a formula that works. We are all about STUDENT LEARNING. Students are excited and happy when they are learning. • Those small, formative tests (even checks for understanding within each lesson) allow teachers to reteach, review, enrich, and differentiate for each student. A CFA is a common formative assessment used by teachers on a team, teaching the same lesson, to find which students have mastered the lesson. It can be an exit ticket of a couple of questions or a 10-question quiz to inform the teacher of student learning needs. Masterful teachers use CFAs to find students who need more help or are ready for enrichment. When I started teaching 30 years ago, testing was not such a big deal. As a teacher, though, I felt the need to assess my students’ learning at every turn so that I could differentiate and intervene appropriately. I was always quizzing during lessons and listening. Without doing that I felt that my “teaching” was in vain. Delivering information or presenting material is not an educator’s job. Student learning is what we are after! It takes more than looking a student’s eyes to see if we have done the job we are hired to do. Assessing is essential. It is constant. It is informative. It is rewarding--when used to ensure student success in the learning community. Have a really GREAT week! Keep doing hard things!

Singin' in the Rain

With all the goopy air and lack of sunshine this time of year, I sometimes have to remember to find the joy despite my circumstances. I remind myself that I do not have to deal with abuse or the horrors of war in my country like Corrie ten Boom or Victor Frankel. I do not have to live in a hut or walk miles to get my water. I do not have to heat my water to bathe or boil it before it is drinkable. I did not have to deal with a tornado this weekend or an earthquake last week. My car runs and I love my job. Even when I have a difficult day, I have a thousand reasons to dredge up some happiness. I remind myself that, “The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in the pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments.” (D. F. Uchtdorf) We had the grand opportunity of experiencing Europa Park in southern Germany over the Christmas holiday. We went from Berlin on a 7-hour train trip (not without some diversions and challenges) with our son, daughter-in-law, and five young grandchildren. Europa Park is quite an experience—larger than Disneyland with trains and monorails, circuses, ice capades, and hundreds of pseudo-Disney rides. The theme is the countries of Europe. The first night we were there, after our harrowing journey through Germany, we jumped right into the fun, despite the cold and rainy weather. After a few hours we bought an umbrella in “Iceland,” determined to enjoy the price of the tickets. We were only ready to give up for the night when we were all soaking wet and cold to the bone. Jim and I each held three-year-old Isabella by the hand between us and headed back to the hotel. We would have been miserable except for one little thing: Bella’s feet hardly touched the ground as she skipped through the puddles and freezing rain, singing happily along with the Christmas music blaring through the park. Jim and I just looked at each other and laughed! It was one of those everyday moments that brought us joy despite the misery. Find the joy this week! It is found in doing hard things. I'm going to try to do a little singing in the rain. . .mmm. . .snow...mmm. . .

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It Matters What Grandkids Think!

The great summer treat discovery: making our own "slurpees!" I saw it on Studio 5, and the kids were all for trying it. Any soda pop goes into the Cuisenart ice-cream maker, and in a few minutes you have your very own wonderful icee or slurpee or slushie. It is my grandkids' favorite summer find. Their favorite is red cream soda. Ahhhh! So little to make them so happy! I myself have not tried the spectacular homemade treat because diet soda does NOT work! Jim and I have each lost over 40 pounds this summer on Simple2Lose (or Medifast or Take Shape for Life), so our treats consist of Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper or diet Jello! The only bad part is that I have been SO perfect on the diet (and started a month sooner), and Jim is catching up with me. Why do men lose faster than we women? I know it is definitely NOT because of their outstanding willpower...